No where to go
by VenusRivers
Summary: Sirius and Regulus have left. Both with forever scars both mental and physical. Rated k fir sensetive topics and descriptions of abuse.
1. Chapter I

It wasn't the first time. No where near. He'd endured 16 years of this so no, it was not the first. It was, however, the worst.

He arrived home for summer precisely 3 hours and 46 minutes. It was worse than it had ever been in so many ways.

_Sixteen year old Sirus black sat on his bed having bolted upstairs the second the heavy black door smashed shut. Staring around his room he found it was the same as before he left but somehow feeling off. Same Gryffindor posters stuck jauntily on the walls, motorbike magazines scattered on most surfaces with a few cut outs plastered up amid the enlarged pictures of scantily clad Muggle models, permanent sticking charms helped to anger the folks further he thought with a smirk. _

_The black furniture was scuffed in the same places, silver bed sheets still rumpled even. Everything was normal, down to the rusty brown blood smear on the black stone floor. _

_Desk untouched. Wait. Papers, broken quill, ink bottle and stain, bad hippogriff sketch. _

_Dismay flooded the pits of his stomach and seeped into his blood like the dark magic soon to be used against him, the letters were gone. Every. Single. One. Every letter exchanged with James since first year had vanished. As if on queue a screech like that of a banshee pierced his mind and he cringed. _

_'SIRUS ORION BLACK. GET DOWN HERE NOW.'_

_Great. _

_No. God please please no. Not today. Not now. Regulus was sitting on a chair in the corner of the lounge tied by some invisible force. A punch Sirus could take but he couldn't bare for his brother to watch. _

_'Filthy blood traitor, scum of my flesh. Disgrace to the name Black. Disappointment. Muggle loving.'_

_The voice of his oh so dear mother, barley a whisper dripping malice. _

_For three straight hours his mother taunted insults, his falter kicked and hit and slapped and shoved and bruised, regulus sat, face dripping silent tears. And him, why he just took it. He wrenched himself back to the present and drew his focus to the drawls falling from the mouth of Orion Black. _

'Muggle loving scum. You are no son of mine, should've offed you when I had the chance. People would talk now though wouldn't they. The perfect Gryffindor suddenly gone. The mudblood, blood traitor and disgusting half breed would ask and talk. No. We will just have to try _other _means of silencing shan't we _Sirus? You've been associating with that boy again. We may just need to sort him out to.'_

'Crucio.'

Huh. Funny how one word spoken so calm could feel this way. His head split open and white hot lava flooded out. Pokers set alight where teasing his hair. Knives were skinning him alive. Teeth crumbling. His bones were powder and muscles reduced to liquid fire. Daggers exploring every inch of skin. He was vague aware of someone -no it was him- screaming hell and murder. It wasn't stopping though he begged but maybe that was because no sound escaped his lips. No sound enterd his ears now. He couldn't see but merlin, could he feel. Kicks and curses joined in now until everything faded into numb blackness.

...oOo...

If anyone were to enter the drawing room of the Nobel And Most Ancient House Of Black now they would need therapy for the sight they saw.

Scorch marks littered the marble flagstones which were also coated in a layer of the sticky crimson which was adorning the walls, furniture and even some of the ceiling.

They would see chunks of the curtains burned away and lightly smoking. The chandelier had cracked from stray curses and the furniture was chipped with the upholstery torn.

The most disturbing feature of this nightmare was the young boy, too skinny to be sixteen, lying, unconscious and twitching, in a lake of his own blood and vomit. Heavy, purple bruises adorned most of his gray tinged skin. Hair matted with dried blood fell over his face, barely recognised beneath the swelling and bruising and scars. This was not, however, the full extent of his injuries.

... oOo ...

**(A/n) Hiiii. So this is really really awful but I will be posting more to this story. I'm not great at writing and can't spell anything right. Please please please review!!**


	2. Chapter II

Groggily he shifted. No. That hurt. Not happening, got it. That was the first thing he did as he awoke the next morning. Judging buy the old clock it was precisely 4:52am.

The next thing he did was gasp as his senses were overcome with the stench of metallic blood mixing with old vomit.

Hazy memories flooded back from the previous night and a sense of impending doom filled him as he came to the realisation, that it was far from over. As if it were rehearsed the door clumped open and a drunken figure stumbled up to him. Father. Instinct tried to pull him away but the pain acted as a lead weight pulling him down.

'Finally 'wake huh? Only took ya two days didn' it. Imma make ya sorry.'

If the burning scent wasn't enough the slurred speech indicated the man's intoxicated state.

Two days! No wonder he felt so hazy. Including the day he returned home that was a total of three days with no food, no water. Actually, now he thought about it he and James had been last minute packing and had missed breakfast before they boarded the train. Four days.

The boy was cruelly ripped back to reality by a blinding pain as his father kicked him in the chest, back, legs, groin, head, everywhere. Then a whispered curse and fire was hugging at his very soul. Each hair on his body felt set alight and he realised that distant screaming was his own. Once again he passed out.

...oOo...

Awaking a few hours later his saw a face looming over his own, the psychotic cackle that rung through his skull told him of the owner. His _charming _cousin, Bellatrix. 

'What's wrong little cousin? Something bothering you?'

He shivered at the malice lacing her voice. His eyes were swelling shut and out of focus from blood loss yet he could just make out a metallic glint of what he hoped was not a blade. Then again fate really wasn't given him the best time right now. 

The breath was knocked out of him as the toe of a ridiculously high boot kicked him onto his back and his bloody shirt was torn off his too slim frame. 

'I'm going to enjoy this Sirius. I'm going to enjoy this slowly. I'm going to watch you writhe and squirm. I'm going to listen to your screams. I'll watch as your blood pours. I'm going to watch as your eyes grow dim and heavy. I'll laugh as you slowly slip away and smile when I know you're gone. I'm going to kill you, _little cousin.'_

Cool lead flooded his veins and he realised he _could. Not. Move. _He couldn't escape his sociopathic relative. He was going to die. He'd never see James again. Nor Pete or Moony. Never laugh at wormy desperately failing at chess. Not going to sneak to the kitchens with Prongs. Run in the forbidden Forest with moons or help James conquer the heart of Lily. Never going to wake up. Never going to survive. 

He cursed as a knife made contact with the cool skin of his back. Searing, white hot pain engulfed him. He couldn't find it in himself to scream so he let the tears pool on his chin as his cousin carved words of hate into his skin all the while laughing and jeering. As the pain became a heated numb and Bella left him there his skin grew a pasty grey and he once again began to vomit. 

He couldn't do it. Not anymore. He was virtually dead but he heaved himself up and clutched a chair as his vision swayed. It was dark so his parents would be sleeping, if he was quiet he could leave now. It would be ok. That was when he realised he was still shirtless, he couldn't very well go upstairs and awaken the house, no, he'd just have to deal with it. 

Silently he slinked out the front door and into the snow. Perfect. No shoes, socks or t-shirt. He was so damn cold but he also felt a prickly heat of the dark magic that scarred him. 

_Crack_

He whirled round at the noise and his knees gave out but he didn't feel the frozen ground. He felt arms wrapped around him, steadying him. One he came to his senses he looked up into his own grey eyes, blurred with tears, Reg. 

'Siri.'

The weak voice cracked as it spoke with raw emotion. 

'Siri where are you going? Sirius I can't, not without you.'

'Then, come with me Reg, I don't know where we're going but it's a fair sight better than here.'

'O-Ok. Fine I'll come but you might want these.'

The smaller boy indicated the still packed school trunk and held out both Sirius' wand and a grey sweatshirt. 


	3. Not at first III

**A/N)) I'm so so sorry and there is no excuse for how inconsistent my updates are but I've had exams, writers block and some personal issues. My anxiety's been pretty crap as well. I appreciate the comments and favourites more than I can say! Any feedback is welcome even if it's negative. **

**Also possible trigger warnings for mentions of abuse and panic attacks throughout the fic if you're sensitive to that stuff. **

**Enjoy. **

It was snowing worse now, worse than Sirius had ever seen. His lips were blueish and his fingers beginning to tense in a curle.

How long had they been going? Long enough that a milky ray of light was starting to dawn.

They could barely see a foot in front of them through the flakes rapidly in casing the world so Sirius thought it was probably time to find some place warm. Or, as warm at they could get.

'Reg. Reggie? You doing ok mate?

'Y-y-yea, I s'pose.'

'Great. Gonna find someplace warmer now yeah?'

The smaller boy nodded in response as shivers coursed through his slim frame.

They continued to trudge through the ankle-deep snow for an age and a day before the two boys stumbled apon what appeared to be a church or used to be, now the old building was merely a shell, a section of the wall and roof had caved in in the far right corner where the pulpit once stood, now only recognised by a few dark splinters. The stained glass window at the back had shattered into a miriad of rainbow flakes that covered the alter and steps.

The old mahogany pews still stood though and most of the roof and walls were in tact. Not the best but not nearly the worst.

Sirius looked over at his younger brother, looking sickly and drawn, huddled up in the corner trying to avoid the snowy draft coming from two places.

Reg stayed like that, shivering and drifting between conscious states until evening drew near.

Sirius had spent the few dismal hours putting up wards around the surrounding area and attempting to secure the more dilapidated parts of the building in order to prevent any further collapse during the brief inhabitance.

By the time he stumbled back over the threshold and slammed the door behind him it was about 9:00 pm and having spent the better part of nine hours in the blizzarding snow his clothes were soaked through and his hair which hung a few inches past the collar blades was falling in wet straggles out of the bun he had styled it in.

The thin boy in the corner is still for a moment as though frozen in fear but gently relaxes as he realises where he is, he's safe now. He has his big brother again.

Sirius is to preoccupied to notice though as he is unclamping the trunk they dragged with them in order to try to find a change of clothes. Damn. Of course he left most of them in his school dorm, his parents didn't allow anything but black robes to be worn around the house, green on special occasions.

The only cloths he had now were about four T-shirts ( A deep red with 'GRIFFINDOR' proclaimed across the front, a white one that was three times too big that he used for sleeping in, a tight plain black one and a baggy black sex pistols one.) he also had black jogging bottoms , to sleep in, two pairs of black, skinny jeans, a pair of jeans and about three hoodies ( one of which may or may not be Remus' favourite jumper.). Additionally to this he naturally had multiple pairs of socks and underwear. To his dismay he only had one extra pair of decent shoes which were black leather boots with a slight heel and came just past his ankles because '_yes _**_James,_ **_they're **completely **punk rock!' _

The other pair was some beat up converse the probably belonged to James but they would be no use at all.

Then a thought struck him, Reggie had no clothes at all, he didn't bring a trunk. Crap. Well he's not gonna let his little brother freeze to death is he?

He pulled out the Gryffindor shirt, black ripped jeans and a black _Beetles _hoodie and quickly stripped down, shivering slightly, and roughly pulled on the dry clothes. The blissful warmth gave him goose bumps and his stood there, hands in pockets for a moment before reaching for his wand. Wand. Where was his wand? _Right! _He'd left it by the alter steps when he'd finished fixing the glass in the window.

Sirius jogged over to retrive it and was about to dry the wet cloths when he remembered the trace. Damn. He wasn't so worried about the wards. The ministry couldn't track what was classified as 'protective spells' but drying or warming charms did not fall into this category sadly. He placed it inside his trunk instead and made sure it was locked but not before pulling out the tight v-neck, Remus' jumper and the other black jeans and set them aside. He also grabbed two pairs of socks and the boots then headed over to where the younger boy had fallen back asleep.

Sirius lightly shook his brothers shoulder and winced at the feeling of cool, damp skin. The boy was in a T-shirt and had not thought to get a sweater before leaving.

'Reg. Regulus mate? Wake up love.'

'Hmm? Siri? M'cold siri.'

'Ya I know Reg. C'mon and put on something dry yeah?'

'I-I d-didn't bring anything though.'

'I know. Come wear something of mine.'

'Kay.'

He tried to stand but promptly went dizzy and felt his knees give out. Instead of hard ground though, strong arms wrapped around his torso, steadying him. The arms pulled away and he felt himself being tucked into his big brother's side, one arm around the small boy's shoulders, guiding him.

'Woah steady on Reg.'

Came the deep chuckle and he felt the vibration from the other boy's chest.

'Don't feel good Si.'

'I know Reggie. You're doing so good, just a few more steps for me and then we can get you warm alright?'

'Mhmm'

Was the murmured response.

Once they reached the spot that the clothes were laid they began the hard task of changing the small boy.

As Regulus did not seem up to much more than propping himself up against the stone wall and stubbornly staring at the ground the sixteen year old did most of the work. Not that he minded.

Sirius unbuttoned his brother's trousers and slipped them off easy enough though he did not miss the fact that the boy in front of him seemed far to thin for a fourteen year old boy. The snow soaked trousers were tossed aside and Sirius's lean fingers reached to remove the also wet underwear but froze as Regulus flinched away, a hot flush crawling up his skin and he drew his knees up into his chest.

'No.'

Was the single whisper.

'Hey. It's ok Reg I'm not gonna hurt you.'

The only acknowledgment was a shake of the head and a deeper blush.

'Reggie, the snow soaked them. You gotta put new ones on or you'll get sicker then you are already. Please Reg. For me.'

Another head shake.

'Regulus mate, I'm your brother, you don't have to be embarrassed or anything and I get that it's awkward and stuff but we have to do it somehow. Please?'

Again no verbal response, instead the fourteen year old relaxed and shrugged.

'Thanks.'

Sirius deftly removed the garment and pulled on another pair that was quickly followed by the jeans that were rolled up thrice due to size differences between the siblings.

When Sirius tried to reach for the T-shirt though, the small boy curled in on himself and a sob racked his frame. Every time Sirius made the smallest of advances the boy in front of him desperately tried to scramble away and once that didn't work flattened himself against the cold stone wall all the while growing more and more frantic until his breath was shallow and ragged and his pale cheeks sodden with glistening tears.

'Hey, what's wrong Reg? Calm down. It's gonna be ok yeah, promise.'

This was spoken in a gentle yet worried whisper. He'd never seen his baby brother so afraid before. He was scared.

'What ever's goin' on we'll work through it together.'

'No. Stop. Please.'

The hear wrenching whisper was not directed at Sirius but more said to himself. Regulus has gone pale, almost with a grey tinge to his skin. His eyes were glassy as if he was sleep walking.

_'Scum. Disgusting. Vile. Just like you stupid Gryffindor brother. All the same.'_

_Then a bony hand around his wrist. Clacking shoes on marble floor. A sickening crunch. Ropes binding his body, wrists, legs. Too tight. Burning his flesh. Drawing slight blood. Then a scream not of his own and he blinked his eyes open. A blade was held, grazing the skin of his neck and a drawling voice leering to his ears. The voice was coming from a woman, black curls wild against paper white skin. _

_Blood red lips. _

_'Don't you _dare _close your eyes. Don't look away. Don't stay silent. It's so much more fun if you scream. Cry. Squirm. _

_That's when his eyes adjusted to the dim ligh__t._

_The sight that met him made him feel sick to his stomach and tears spring to his eyes. Sirius. Bloodied and bruised and shaking. _

_The hours drew on as he watched his brother tortured and at times the brothers' screams merged in the silence that echoed in the room. _

_Eventually he found himself being dragged out of the room and up stairs, but not to his room. No. This was a room very few entered: Father's study. This was not good. Whenever Sirius went in here all you could hear was a low chuckle and when he finally emerged he was usually bloody and pale. _

_He felt the cool heat of a spell locking his limbs together and then a searing pain as a blade wrote with his blood as ink and flesh as parchment. Slowly the world faded to sleep and when he awoke he was on a blood stained bed. His wounds cursed to permanently scar. _

He snapped out of the trance and began to silently cry into his brothers shoulder. Gentle hands rubbed circles on his back and at last he relented. He peeled the shirt off and hung his head as he turned his back on Sirius. The stark words etched into his too pale skin red and prominent as scar tissue raised the letters that appeared raw and infected, _possédé à jamais. _

The only response to this was a shaky breath from the older boy and the faint sound of Sirius's barley suppressed tears.

'P-possessed forever. Reg. God Reggie, what did they do to you?'

'I-I think you know exactly what happened.'

_'__les traîtres meurent.'_

'What?'

'Les traîtres meurent. That what I got. Same as you did. The traitors die. And perhaps I will. Please em wouldn't it. Give them everything the wanted.'

The harsh tone and bitter chuckle unnerved Regulus. A lot. What did he mean. He couldn't leave him. Not again. Couldn't leave again. Leave again. Leave. Leave him. He was gonna leave. They would come and find him. Come. Them. They would hurt him. Hurt. Find him. Come back. Gonna leave. Leave him alone. Leave. Alone. Lost. Gone. They would kill him. Kill. Sirius. Sirius was going to die. Die and leave and they would come and they-

'Regulus! Hey calm down. It's ok. I'm here and I'm not going to leave you. I'm sorry Reg, I-I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. It's alright, don't cry mate. Breath with me yeah? Breath. In, out. Good. Good. 'S ok. I got ya.'

Once again he felt his older brother envelope him in a hug. Drawing him in so that his back was against Sirius's chest and his face buried in the warm hoodie. This was when he remembered, he still had no shirt on, scars fully exposed. He shivered, cold air swimming with his blood. Sirius felt the shaking and softly reaching for the top and jumper which he slipped onto the boy's small frame. They curled around each other with Sirius wrapped around Regulus, warming him, protecting him.

They slept like that until noon next day and they awoke shivering and puffy eyed but free and together. Before either boy managed to comprehend anything the younger bolted up and sprinted out the door.

**A/N ha. Kinda a cliff hanger. Maybe. Please read and review. It means so much. I'll try and update really soon **


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